Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The 40th Year...

I am currently living the 40th year of my life.

I realized this in the middle of the summer when I was thinking about the list of things I want to accomplish when I turn 40.  My thoughts went something like this:

"WTH?"
"I am ALREADY living the 40th year of my life!"
"So, what is the big deal about turning 40?  Its already happening."
"By the time I actually turn 40 I'll be living the 41st year of my life."

Although a bit discouraging at first, this knowledge spurred me on to begin working toward some of my goals sooner rather than later.  There are a LOT of goals.  Probably more than I can possibly accomplish.  I won't bore you with all the mundane details here and now.

The interesting thing about getting close to 40 is I am happy and content with my life.

Turning 30 it was difficult for me.  I was angst ridden.  I didn't know what I was doing with my life and it seemed like my peers were passing me by with "successful" lives and families.  Even Jesus had it together by the time he turned 30, I told myself.  That's when his "public" ministry really got started.  And what was I doing with my life?  Shouldn't there be something else?  What was I missing?

In October 2002 I was living in an apartment above the auto parts store in downtown Zillah, WA and working as an Accounting Data entry specialist at an Insurance company.  I helped with the youth on Wednesday nights at church and taught a Sunday School class on Sunday mornings.  I hung out every Monday night with good friends and ate good food.  I was loved and a part of a community.  There were actually many good things happening...but I couldn't see them.

It was a year of discontent.

Here I am.  10 years later.

Ironically, life is even more uncertain now than it was then:

  • Professionally--I am living what I call my "Multiple Streams of Income" lifestyle.  A Year and a half ago I quit a full-time job to work 3 part-time jobs and own my own little bookkeeping/administrative business with my friend Dondi.
  • Spiritually--my relationship with Jesus is good but I'm not involved in my church, I'm a "pew sitter"...something I never thought I'd be.
  • Relation-ally--I have amazing friends that I love and that love me.  But I also spent the last two months grieving and dealing with the disappointment of the end of a relationship I thought might be "the one."
  • Lifestyle--I live in a studio apartment with my cat.  'Nough said.
But I am content.

Not the kind of content that's gonna breed complacency and turn me into the crazy cat lady, sitting home every night knitting tiny, little sweaters for my kitties.  The kind of content that pushes me to try new things and get out of my comfort zone every time I can.

and happy.

Not the kind of happy that depends on what my friends or my boss or the guys I'm dating or my neighbors think of me.  The kind of happy that comes from deep within because I KNOW I am worth every bit of love available to me.

and at peace.

There is only one kind of peace.  Either you have it or you don't.

with my life.

My flipping awesome life.  I make my own schedule.  I will find a place to get involved at church. I soak up life with my friends and am having fantastic (and sometimes not so fantastic) adventures dating.  And my studio is in Hawthorne...the heart of hipster Portland--just going to the grocery store is a cacophony of experiences :)

Bring it on 40--whatever you want to throw at me, bring it on.

I am ready.

2 comments:

Elizabeth Elliott said...

Amen to that! Plus, you're going to write a novel next month...don't forget that part! ;)

Jackie said...

Even though I know you're 40, I never in a million years would have guessed it. Maybe 35. Tops.