News Flash!!!
I don't like things I can't control:
--when people leave me out of conversations of which I think I have a right to be a part.
--when I get speeding tickets (and didn't know I was speeding).
--when my car gets broken into and people steal my money and my favorite lipstick.
--when people I care about decide they don't want to be a part of my life anymore.
--when my car breaks down and I'm stuck in the valley for an extra day.
--when my health goes haywire, especially after a year of trying REALLY hard to be healthier.
News Flash!!!
My heart is black:
--I want to demand to be part of the conversation of which I've been left out and force others to listen to me.
--I want to throw my speeding ticket back in the face of the Milwaukee's Police Department and throw a royal fit . . . you know, the whole crying, fist banging, yelling kind.
--I want to hurt the people who broke into my car--maybe with a hot fire poker stick, or a branding iron.
--I want to force the people I care about to care about me . . . or when that doesn't work I want to hurt them as much as they're hurting me, or maybe tie them up and hold them hostage.
--I want to kick my car as hard as I can when it breaks down and then throw yet again the before mentioned royal fit.
--I want to give up on taking care of my haywire health body and forget that it's the only one I've got . . . I want to be lazy and gluttonous.
*Sighhhhhhhh*
News Flash!!!
I need God's grace:
--He listens to me when no one else will.
--He keeps me safe from harm while I'm driving, even if I'm speeding.
--He provides the stuff to be stolen in the first place.
--He gives me people that love me and care about me.
--He gives me a car to drive that's pretty reliable overall.
--He gives me breathe in my body.
And I don't deserve any of it.
And I'm so ungrateful.
And even though I know these words are TRUTH my heart doesn't want to believe them. It wants to elbow it's way to the front of line and demand to be served its own way!
You are relegated to the back of the line heart . . . you bring me nothing but ache.
2 comments:
Wow Ang, my heart hurts for you. I love you and remember...this funk you are experiencing will pass eventually...be strong.
Thanks, Chris. I'm not sure I want the funk to pass too soon. It's good to remember that my heart shouldn't get too attached to the things of this world--and if it takes an ache to do that . . . well then I guess it takes an ache.
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