The Mirage of Maturity

This year I turned 34. There's nothing special about 34. It's not an acceptable mid-life crisis year, your life insurance premium doesn't jump a bracket--in summation, your life doesn't suddenly get better or worse.

But sometimes I seem to be having an out of body experience--I look at myself in the mirror and think, "yep, she sure looks 34," but I don't feel like I thought I would feel at 34. I don't have it all together like I thought other people around me did when they were 34. This is a phenomen I've noticed as I get older--you're never where you think you're going to be when you get there.

That's a little confusing.

Here's an example. I remember walking to school when I was 9 or 10 thinking about what my life was going to be like in the year 2000. I was in awe of the fact that I would be 27 in the year 2000. I remember thinking that I would surely be married and have a career and children and you get the picture--everything Barbie promised me I could have with her pink suit and her little Barbie Briefcase. Of course, my life hasn't been like that at all, which I'm okay with. I'm on a great adventure that has led me all over the world and currently has me living in Southwest Washington. I love my life most days. But at 27, 28, 29 or now 34, I still haven't "got it all together." I still don't know all the answers. And now I'm looking at friends and family in their 40's & 50's and thinking, "Man, they sure have arrived. I hope I've arrived when I get to their age." But I know, due to this phenomenon, I won't think I'll have arrived when I get there.

It's like those mirages you see when you're driving down an asphault road on a hot day--it looks like there's water over the road in the distance. Until you get there. And you realize that there never was water over the road. It was the heat waves from the sun playing tricks on your eyes (at least that's what I think it is, but I'm no scientist). When your 10 looking at 27 the Mirage of Maturity makes you think 27 is it--you'll be satisfied and happy and you'll have life figured out. But when you get to 27, you realize it was a mirage. While you may be satisfied and happy, you won't have life figured out and there will be just as much to learn as there was at 10. So, you look toward 34 and again you see the water over the road and think, "I'll have it together by then." But now I've reached 34 and again there is no water over the road.

I don't mean to sound discontent because I'm not, but there are things about my life I'd like to change or improve. Which is why I think I continue to look toward the Mirage, continue to look toward those older than me and let myself think, "They surely have it all together." Because it gives me hope, to move one day closer to 40, one day closer to figuring out life's secrets, one day closer to a new, improved Ang. Proverbs 29:18 says, "Where there is no vision the people cast off restraint (or are discouraged), but blessed is he who keeps the law" (ESV). The Mirage of Maturity is the vision that keeps me from getting discouraged and helps keep me focused on the possiblities of what my life can be, spurring me on toward a future that's as bright or brighter than today.